So that part ended – sharing a place with my bff. God I miss her already. I miss us cooking together, laughing for all those stupid jokes, talking about guys, envying on all new arrivals in stores, and finally spending all the money on something we don’t need at all….That was the best time. May be this was the last time for me having a girl roommate. Ah, one of the many drawbacks of marriage. 😦
I have only 2 months to spend here all alone. Still it looks like a long time. I already started checking off dates from my calendar. That doesn’t make the days go fast, does it? I don’t want to leave this place or get married soon. I know I will miss this place a lot and more than that I will miss being single. The problem is that I am just tired of being lonely. I am tired of saying good bye to the people I love. I am tired of getting up, cooking, going office and drive back home..all my self. I need some private time every day but I hate to spend all the time just by myself.
Ah, again am back to that feeling which I hate… The same feel I had when I moved out of my parents place for the first time…the same feel when I had my first break-up…the same feel I had when Meenu left Trivandrum… May be this is how my body handles stress. I sleep a lot..for like 12-15 hours a day, I have no appetite, I feel like I am the only person on earth who is living for nothing and of course that constant swirling in the tummy…I even went to the doctor once. Well, now I know its just stress or anxiety. whatever.
Even if I know what it is, its not easy to find a remedy. I googled a few method to de-stress myself and tried. I don’t feel any difference. So am thinking lets concentrate on something else for sometime..like reading a book ? The one I am reading right now is a slow mover. I need a new one. I have bought this one book called ‘maximum city’- its about Mumbai. Considering the fact that I am supposed to move to Mumbai in 3 months and I really hate that place for no reason, I thought let’s read something good about Mumbai. What if I could change my immature judgement and start loving the place ? OK, let this be plan A for de- stressing.
I need a plan B too. How about something that makes everyone feel good- like shopping ? Not so good for my pocket, but I have a list of things to buy before the wedding. So may be I can start working on that. Ok, so there is plan B.
Let me try on my plan and see what happens. I really have to find a remedy for this because I know am gonna be in the same state real soon. I mean, marriage and moving to a new place with a new family. That sounds so very scary to me. But that is something that I can’t complaint about, as people say ‘this is how it is supposed to be. U will be used to it. Ur mom did, Ur sister did.’ Ah, sometimes I feel there is no point in talking about your tensions to such people. Neither they give good advice nor they keep their mouth shut. Anyways.
I started this post to write about my bff. But unintentionally it took another way.Writing this really helped me feel better. 😀 There it is… One more painkiller. Lets do this me…because I love you. I don’t waana loose you. I want me to be happy.
P.S – Phoebe – Don’t be angry. There will be definitely a post on u and me. Love u. Miss u 😦