Today is that kind of a day, where you question everything that is going on in your life, you imagine all the worst stuff happening to you, you somehow make yourself feel insecure and lonely. Today is one of those days…I hate today.
The day starts like this. You wake up a bit earlier than your usual time without the help of your alarm. Your mind wakes up faster than your body and takes a snapshot of day’s tasks and tells you that whatever you are gonna do today is all crap. Then you drag yourself out of bed, get into the bathroom and see your morning face and say ‘its gonna be a bad day’. That’s all it takes. Your appetite is gone. Your energy level is zero. You can barely walk or talk. You even master to find the negative in everything…..And all this happens within 10 minutes after you wake up.
As the day progresses, you get crankier. If its a work day you would hate to go office, if its a day off the only thing you want to do is to go office. If you are single, you think if you were married things would have been different. If you are married, you regret. If you are away from home, you cry to be home. If you are home, you wish you were invisible.
Everything was perfect until yesterday. Your life was good, your days were planned, you were hungry and you could even sleep in bus. Most importantly, you were happy. Your heart wasn’t pounding this fast. You didn’t had even one sore muscle. Your future was looking so promising. But what happened overnight? You dont understand what went wrong. Noone understands. And the worst part is, despite from all the discomfort you are feeling right now, you are supposed to breathe-work-live today; just like any other day.
While you try to get your mind back on track, you wear little bit more make up and your prettiest dress and a fake smile on your face all day long. No one, like no one would say you are having your worst day. You don’t want anyone to say. You don’t want anyone to know. Because you know no one understands. The last thing you wanna do on this day is to talk about it. So you pretend all day; all those days. And you live with your dirty little secret and you die with your dirty little secret…and if anyone catches you between those moments of your ‘living and dying’, then you say “ah, am feeling a little anxious but am ok”.