Christmas is in three days and I have never felt less Christmasy.. (borrowed from Google) but this is exactly what is in my mind. And however I make it feel better, it just doesn’t. After trying to convince me for last 20 days, I realized that Christmas is a feel that I can’t force into myself.
It is a feeling of being where we belong with the loved ones around, decorating that big tree in the hall and not letting the cat near it, the scent of freshly baked cookies from neighborhood and knowing you are going to end up eating a lot, getting that extra large chocolate cake from the favorite local bakers, delivered at door, waiting for the late night carols, aura of that seasonal grass which fills the crib and then the midnight holy mass…Oh I miss Christmas, I miss home, I miss mom…I miss that non veg special cooked for Christmas day, but as we kids can’t wait till morning how my mom used to let us have a bit at 2 pm when we are back from church…those were the days.
So much love around,no place for lies, no shouting or arguing but a bunch of people who are ready to do anything for each other. And it was Christmas that brought them all under one roof, until 2 years back.
Being catholic, it’s not a surprise how Christmas is the most important time for us. But it is a surprise that how am not able to make it to home for the second year in a row. And the worst of all, I can’t stop my tears when my mom asks ‘ Aren’t you coming this year too?’.
What shall I do ? Shall I ask Christmas to wait until I get off from work ? Shall I ask time to take me back to any day I was home ? Or shall I ask life to be a little easy on me ?