It started raining just now. The monsoon has finally arrived Mumbai. But now am in an over speeding cab, heading to the airport. My mind is not yet free from your fb post I read yesterday, about being in a different country as a new wife. The struggles are not of a newlywed but of someone who was trying hard to fit into to a shape that is completely different from you.And the anxiety and agony of not fitting in.
I wasn’t surprised. Instead I was a little happy to know that I got company. Not in whining but in talking about the non-comforting and shabby things that come with every marriage- especially when it also has a change in culture, location or even religion.
I got one of the best men out there, as my partner. We work together, drive together and even cook together. I don’t regret a bit on meeting this guy and falling for him. But what I could have avoided is agreeing for a relocation, away from home, with a differently cultured people. Its hard. Way too hard. There are always things that can be done and not. There are always things that could be said and not. And then how and what to do and not. Its same as living in that convent hostel with sets of rules and regulations. Oh I know that. I feel your pain girl. I have been in hostels for 10 years of my life and I could never had a feeling of home in there which you and me are unable to have even now.
I am concerned about you. I am sad that I am far away from you when u needed a friend like me. But I want you to cope up with all the insecurities,challenges and discomfort by yourself. I want you to fight for yourself. The way everybody does. You are not far. You can be back ‘home’ whenever you want. I know you miss working here in your country. But may be you could find a similar or rather better work group there. Just give it a try.
Remember that quote we both loved a lot,’ ‘ I finally come to understand what it had been: a yearning for a way out, when actually what I had wanted to find was a way in’.
That’s what you and me need. A way in. I know the struggle that we put up in the corridor searching in the dark, not knowing where to go, unable to figure out the way in. I know that there are times, we wish this all was a dream and and it would soon be the time to wake up and go back to life so that we could avoid doing a lot of stupid stuff that we did. I know the feeling of being alone in a unknown city surrounded by unknown people. But then, when have we had someone to help us?
Remember the time, we couldn’t figure out the exit of that narrow short cut to college and reached after the first hour on the first day and stood outside the class for the whole day ? Remember the time that disgusting man has followed us and we throw stones at him and ran to the nearest station ? Remember the time you were heart broken and we together got over it with numerous tubs of chocolate ice cream and friends show. Remember the time we were stuck in a public bus at night due to break down and despite of all our fears the driver turned out to be a good man who dropped us home ?
We never tried to walked out of anything we were walking through everything. We were afraid but we were brave too. We were confused but we were clear what we want. We were lost but we found ourselves in most unbearable and scariest situations. That what you gotta do. Just put yourself together and hold on for a while. Walk slow but right through it. Hope for a happy ending because you and me agree that if its not happy, its not the end.